Not doing as well as I would like

So last night I came to the realization that I am not doing as well as I thought I was or that I was trying to make myself believe I was.

As I was driving to my respiratory therapy appointment, I called to make an appointment with my regular therapist. The specialist in the City suggested that I go talk to someone since it's alot that I am dealing with. I put it in the back of my mind since I thought by talking with my husband and being really open about how I'm feeling, I would get through it. But that's not the case.

On Sunday, our cousin's daughter was baptised. It was a beautiful small ceremony and as the Priest was speaking about prayer and bringing the positive thoughts to all there, I started to tear up. Not sure if it was the fact that in a way, I am jealous that this gorgeous baby was being baptised and it's something I long for or that I was feeling that I need to pray to God for myself and my health and sanity.

Even last night at respiratory therapy, I was talking to my respiratory therapist who I've really become fond of and just about lost it. She asked if I was ok, in such a motherly manner, it made me feel cared for, but I almost starting crying again talking to her.

I'll be glad to see my regular therapist and just let it all out. It can be so hard to talk to friends and family when you are going through something like this. You want them to know, but you don't want them to feel sorry for you. They are all supportive and that's all I could ask for.