A little about me to start this off. I just turned 27 years old. Been married for a year and a half to my wonderful husband and live in NJ. This blog is my new outlet to let out all that I have been dealing with.
It's been almost a week since I found out I won't be able to carry children. Every day is getting better. It's still a pain I've never felt before and never thought I would experience. Having babies has been my dream since I was a little girl. I've always been the "Mom" of my friends, always taking care of everyone and making sure they were ok. Everyone has always said I would be a great mom someday. Well, now the time is here for me to be a mom and it won't be happening the way I always anticipated.
I still have a few more tests to undergo but it's almost certain that I'll be officially diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension (PH). While the upside is I seem to be in Stage 1 which the doctor told me is almost unheard of that they are able to diagnose so early, I still have this long road in front of me of doctor's appointment and continued testing. It's absolutely draining. I believe I have found an amazing doctor in New York City who knows what she's talking about so that's a comfort. Still the moment she told me absolutely no pregnancies, I couldn't hold in my emotion. I cried and cried and couldn't stop myself. My husband just held me when we got home and let me basically sob for hours.
We have discussed our options to create our family. We initially really wanted to have a surrogate carry our child, but with much thought have decided to adopt. I'm still sad about not carrying our child, but excited at the prospect of adopting a beautiful baby to call our own. I'm so looking forward to having this little person call me mommy. It puts a smile on my face. And I know it won't be easy road, we're excited about the future.
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